Thursday, April 30, 2020 - Covid-19 Pandemic

Yesterday hubby and kiddo went turkey hunting again. They are still gone and honestly, I needed some alone time. I think I'm depressed or something. The last few days I've just barely been able to hold back the tears. I don't know why. We are healthy and doing okay. I don't know if the news is getting me down - it's all death numbers and unemployment rates and there was just a tragic news story of a doctor who survived the virus only to commit suicide. It's all just so...depressing. Sure, there are feel-good stories plugged in here and there but not enough to make a difference. 

Now the CDC are working on guidelines for ways for school to open, businesses to open, people to return to work, etc. Some seems...ridiculous. Kids in classroom have to be seated 6 feet apart and should eat lunch in their classrooms. Um...WHAT the hell is THAT going to accomplish? Their lockers are 24 inches apart in rows, they switch classrooms throughout the day, what about the bathrooms and water fountains and what about the teachers? Not to mention the buses. OMG. I am hardly able to process these thoughts, much less make sense of them. 

I worry about friends that I'm not even friends with anymore because I know they, or rather she, has a daughter-in-law who works as a nurse. I can't imagine the stress their family must be going through. 

Last night I just sat in front of the tv and drank Fireball until I felt...relaxed. That can't become a habit!  I'm sure I'm gaining weight' that's not helping anything. Then I worry about how extra weight reduced your chances of being able to breath on our own if you get the virus...so I worry eat. Everything is a vicious cycle right now. 

The weather is getting nicer and on days when we are outside I can work in the garden and flower beds and we grill out (more eating!) and I'm kinda able to forget for a minute all the anxiety in the world and inside me. 

I talked to my mom today. She lives in an apartment building full of older people. She's wearing a mask when she goes to the lobby to check the mail but she wasn't washing it or disinfecting it each night so I made sure to stress that to her.She wasn't doing a lot of things she should be doing so I lectured her on all the ways she could help herself during this ordeal. I doubt she'll do any of them...with the exception of cleaning her cloth mask now. I ended our conversation by reminding her that there's no hospital visitation so...keep that in mind.

Hubbies birthday is Monday. I'll have to go to the grocery store tomorrow for cake and cards. Not sure what we'll do for the day...guess probably spend the day outside I mean...what else CAN we do right now...

So I started another Panes of Art today. Thought that would help my mental health. It has. I've had meditation music playing on the laptop in the background so it's been peaceful. I even went outside and sat on the ground in the sun, on the south side of the house out of the gale force winds, and just breathed. It was calming and at the time I felt pretty good. Maybe I need to sage the house tomorrow morning. Yep. I think I'll do that. I might be getting all caught up in my own negative energy and inadvertently blocking any good energy from coming in. ;) But seriously. 

Okay Back to painting. I'm hoping to finish my butterfly so tomorrow I only have to work on my bird then I'll be done. :)  So, although I love my family, I'm secretly glad I have some alone time to get my head figured out while I'm painting.

Here's hoping to you being healthy and in better spirits than I am right now. :)

-MM